Here We Go Again...

Well, many people have been asking me when the post will appear and we've finally hit the point in the process that I told myself I would announce to all of blog land that we are in the process of adopting our fifth child (3rd adoption and 4th adopted child).

The fact that we are adopting again was not a surprise to us, though, the timing was. At some point during the process of adopting BJ & Kenzie we knew, I think, that someday, we would adopt an older child... I think initially we were just thinking it would be a few years from now and that our daughter would be a year or two older or younger than Kenzie. Then, believe it or not, the boys - all three of them - began to talk of wanting an older sister. We took a look at little Lulu and realized too, that this is one spoiled princess that might not actually enjoy a sister so close to her age. However, with this many adoptions and agencies and friends who adopt I encounter the likes of waiting children around the globe on a semi-regular basis. I hear about them, read about them, see their faces but one day - in one girl's eyes, I saw my daughter... and the process began to make that feeling a legal reality.

I've decided for now, to not even mention her name or go into much detail here... there are many steps yet to go in the process. I will say that we are not working toward the waiting list but toward the referral of a particular child - a girl who is 10ish right now, and who awaits a forever family of her own in a government run orphanage in Ethiopia.

Despite the fact that this is not really an adoption blog per-se, international adoption is one of my passions. It combines so many things that are the most important to me. Its about justice for all and the fight against world poverty and a passion for Africa. And mostly, its about all children having a family who loves them.

I'm not a big debater - I don't enjoy it much. I realize that adoption doesn't fix world poverty and that there is great cost involved - and I honestly hope, pray and work toward seeing a day during my lifetime when international adoption ceases to exist because its not needed anymore. Adoption is far from the best solution. However, my kids - we the world, have already failed them. We're responsible for not doing enough to eliminate extreme hunger, poverty and disease - and its too late for my kids and many others for long-term solutions - they're already orphans... So yes, I have a "it matters to this one" approach.

I get comments of admiration from people frequently because of our adoptions and to be perfectly honest, it makes me uncomfortable. To me, its not something that is praiseworthy - its just me and my ordinary life. I suppose our family was built in a way that was not typical, but to me its just my family and boy most of the time, all of us - we're so far from admirable... Just ask my son Easton who frequently threatens to run away from our family. Most of the time it seems he'll be happy to tell you exactly why he would like any other family at all than ours! But the part that's neat, is that you can't beat the peace and smile that comes over his frustration as I tell him that he can run - but you don't get to pick your family - he's stuck with us, like it or not.

Other people just think we're crazy and most of the time, I'd probably agree. I was not someone that grew up with the idea of having a mid-size (I still contend that at 7 we fit into an ordinary typical family vehicle and therefore are not a large family) family and if you would have told me even just a few years ago that I would have 5 children I would have told you that while I love children I never want to actually live with and raise that many 24-7! Especially if you would have told me just how close in age they would be!

Part of why this post is so long over-due is because I've been on this roller coaster before. I know to expect hang-ups and disappointment. Don't get me wrong - I'm thrilled and excited, but I'm experienced enough to know that there's still a lot I don't know. I know that I'm still learning each and every day about all of my children and learning how to parent a lot of unique kids with their own unique struggles. And I know enough about the adoption process to know that there will be setbacks and disappointments, frustrations and fears and enough to know that I can't predict what exactly they'll be.

It may be awhile before there is further news on this adoption front as we have hit our first set back. The USCIS rules changed suddenly - and unfortunately for us, just days before our final step. As a result, we're essentially starting over with that piece of the process. While all the other paperwork is essentially done, we can't move forward without this piece of the puzzle and the waiting could be weeks - months. While I'm confident that it all works out in the end - for the best, I'm an experienced waiter by now - but it is a little different since this is the first time we are adopting a waiting child... which means exactly that she HAS been waiting for YEARS already, and now continues to wait as we wait to complete the process. There are many more steps in the process that await - many more places for potential setbacks but we are hopeful that she will be home with us sometime in 2010...

... and then I will really need help --- what on earth do I know about tween girls??- absolutely nothing!!!!

boys will be boys ... and I'll never understand why...

I know this is kinda a repeat of another post but its still a phenomenon that baffles me. You'd think I'd learn more being surrounded by four boys but I seem to be more baffled each time.

One of my sons is just all boy - he's hard on things. Do you know what I'm talking about? Toys that he doesn't get are played with too hard and broken quickly. Jeans get approx. three wearings before there are holes in the knees. Stains are a constant. He wears through 3 pairs of shoes for every one of his brothers. Everything is full-throttle and with ultimate strength. Combine that with the 'I dunno why' attitude and we go through "things" for no apparent reason.

I'm having a tough time reconciling my 'cheap mama' side with the 'boys will be boys' destructiveness. Or even carelessness. For example, it occurred to me the other day that either I will be bathing my children well into their adult lives OR I better just get used to the fact that they use too much shampoo/soap/toothpaste etc and I will have to buy twice as much.

Even, when I do eventually dig deep enough to get an answer to the "why", I'm not satisfied. For real, you ripped the pocket off your jacket - thus ripping two HUGE holes in the fabric of your ONLY (and new, I might add - that has at least 2 more siblings to go through!) hoodie because you wanted to make the pocket bigger? You actually have the strength to do that? For real, you did this on purpose? I mean, REALLY, you just sat there and pulled on the pocket this hard on PURPOSE??? Oh, of course, I understand, you were just trying to make it BIGGER, you never imagined it would put huge holes in your hoodie. Yes, dare I ask WHY you were trying to make the pocket bigger? Seriously, you don't know? You just looked down one day and thought - hey I wonder what will happen if if pull and pull and pull on my pocket? No? Why then? Oh, because you were trying to fit a giant rock into your pocket at recess? Aren't you not supposed to bring rocks in from the playground? Right, thus you were making your pocket bigger so you could "hide" said rock. So really, we're in double trouble here - tearing the jacket AND trying to disobey your teacher.

Love it.

Fall

We have had the most beautiful weather, and for that I'm thankful. After the amazing summer we've had I was just sure I'd be out on the soccer field in the pouring rain all fall... but it hasn't been the case at all! Sure last week was a bit windy and a touch chilly but dry!

The problem with the great weather is that I want to soak it up and appreciate it! BUT, the list of inside to-do's keeps growing and growing and growing... and I'm actually kind of excited about the rains coming and being stuck in the house! Sure, I'm hoping for more time to read by the fire with a great cup of tea, to sit and visit with friends, to play games and read books with my kiddos, and to perhaps do better at blogging (gasp!). However, I'm itching to set up new systems of organization (something I love doing), purging old junk (another fave!), and even cleaning.

Now, remind me of this post as fall turns to winter and I'm complaining about the cold (and hopefully not much snow) and how I have cabin fever and being stuck in the house is driving me crazy. I KNOW those days of wanting to get out will come - but for now - I'm looking forward to a few good rainy days - time enough to catch up and enjoy all the things I love about fall...

Paper chasing...

...A term so often used in the prep work for adoption. Its a good description, really, because you're just running through different governments and agencies and asking for paper, waiting on this piece of paper so that you can qualify for your next piece of paper. And you do this for months.

I've chased paper 3x now, and you'd think it would get easier. You think you've got it down. You think you've seen it all before. You think you've got a plan, a system. You think you've set your expectations low (waiting on afore mentioned various govt. agencies).

However, the paper chase, at least for me, always, at some point, feels like all you are is a dog chasing its tail in circles. It's deceptive like that. For a time, you feel as though you are making progress, until all of a sudden you've realized you've circled round and are right back where you started from. Alright, admittedly, you do eventually make it to the end of this great paper chase so I supposed technically its more of a spiral, circling backward but not quite all the way to the beginning.

And that spiraling can make you quite dizzy and not thinking straight. This is the point that you realize that despite all your efforts at organization, your low expectations, your previous experience with the process, your hard work, your diligent checking and rechecking that you are so turned around and confused you really don't have a clue what you're doing or why you were doing it in the first place.

An example was when we were nearing the end of a section of paper chase we could taste the finish line - we thought we were going to manage to survive the spiral and remain standing. We faltered a bit, when we realized we missed a new step but quickly recovered and sent out the trusty fed ex to the latest govt organization - and then received an email tracking that led us to believe we had somehow switched the labels and had really sent the fax to ourselves (super-saver no, less) and were now awaiting our docs to go to the holding facility and return to us so we could again attempt to send it across the country to the govt agency. The bright spot is that when you are this dizzy, the thought of paying to send yourself a fax and delay your progress is nothing but hysterically funny for some reason, a great source for many fits of laughter. This example even comes with a happy ending because while we were tossed to the ground from the spiral in fits of laughter with nothing to do but act hysterically, we found that really, the wrong email had been sent and indeed, the FedEx was sent to the proper place after all.

And then you do make it to the finish line, but really, the first finish line is just a waiting period before a flurry of secondary paper chasing, which is frantic but gets done and is busy bringing your kids home, just to come to the realization that still yet more paper chasing still lies ahead, and its all the same spiraling headache. For example, I thought I was kinda in the homestretch when one of my son's citizenship papers arrived - only to find out that they marked him as female (whoops - best not try to head across the border lest we have to explain why his papers don't exactly match!).

Anyway - best of luck to all you paper chasers out there! My only advice is to set the bar low and expect lots of speed bumps... but keep up the good work... it pays off royally in the end!

*note* - this is not meant to be negative. Sometimes things do get hung up because of a mistake on some one's part (like my son being listed as female) but lots of times, its just the way the system works (or doesn't...) ... the nature of the paper chasing beast... and not the fault of adoption or govt agencies.

The first day of the rest of my life...

This weekend I feel as though a new chapter in my life has just begun. BJ had his very first soccer game, and it got me thinking that with the number of children I have, this is only the beginning - that quite a good deal of the next several years of my life will be spent on various fields and courts cheering on my kiddos. Luckily for me our first foray into children's sports was pretty harmless. First off, the weather cooperated brilliantly. I'm thinking that come Oct I'm gonna be real tired of sitting in the rain watching over an hour of under 7's play soccer. Secondly, there was a pretty tame crowd. I've heard stories of sports parents - they can be worse than stage parents sometimes! Everyone involved this weekend was on their best behavior and I come away with no scary stories to share. Thirdly, it always helps to have lots to cheer about... and BJ's team was only scored on once by one team. Course, the good news is that BJ was right on that ball - the only one on his team! What a moment! Kenzie stopped her screaming, Easton stopped staring at the airplanes, Trevor opened his eyes and even I - who am not generally an animated sports fan - screamed 'Go BJ Go!!!!' Then, short of the goal, BJ just stopped and let the other kid have a clear shot. I'm sure he just felt badly and thought he'd let them score, right? As noble a reason that is, I doubt it. Perhaps he just got tired. Most likely though, he heard everyone calling his name and he thought he was in trouble again! Much celebrating took place by all teams with cheering, high-fives and good games and snack was served and all was right with the world. This new life might just be OK. Then again, ask me in another month...

time sure does fly when you're havin' fun!

This summer was a blast! I know, I was dreading it last spring but it turned out awesome! This was the first year in awhile that Dave had lots of vacation where we didn't have to use it really until summer so he had a ton of time off. We didn't really go anywhere or do much at all but it gave us time to hang out and enjoy our life together and made the summer really fly by! I'd love to say that my to-do list is completed and I have lots of productivity to show for my summer but sadly it didn't happen that way. I guess I've officially become a northwesterner - when the sun actually shines you take time to stop what you're doing and appreciate it, and we have had such a fabulous summer that well, we just did a lot of appreciating the sunshine!

Fall has now arrived, our bi-weekly trips to the apple farm have begun and we're starting to think ahead to hot bowls of soup and trips to the pumpkin patch and less about plotting trips to the beach. Soccer season is just starting for BJ and I'm trying to appreciate the nice weather and as I put all the games on the calendar cringed as I speculated how many times we'll be cheering him on in the pouring rain before the season ends. The boys began school and they all seem to be doing well and have good teachers. How is it that Trevor is already in second grade? His teacher is very structured so he so far is doing famously - I don't think we've had any meltdowns or wakeful nights yet! Hooray!! Behailu is in 1st grade and of course loves it - and the socializing most of all. We've lost him twice already only to find him separated from his class because he was chatting away in line and hadn't realized the class had left, but his teacher doesn't let him get away with much so that hopefully will help some! Easton started kindergarten with the same fabulous teacher the other boys have had and despite the district switching back to part time (bummer!) he is simply beaming on the days he gets go - so excited to be all grown up like his big brothers! This gives me 2-3 days every week where I just have 1 child at home all day - what a treat (and break from the noise!). I have more ambitions with what to do with this time than I have actual hours but here's to hopin' for some great productivity!

The purpose of my blog is more to recognize and enjoy the fun in my life and to find the humor amidst the chaos of raising 4 children, but this summer was so wonderful and so filled with joy I just didn't have time to stop the fun and blog about it! So instead, you get the basic get all caught up post and hopes and intentions to do better in the future. Only time will tell...

Things that make you go 'oh my'...

The other day we went to the beach again. We love the beach. We love living not to far from the beach. Kenzie absolutely looooves the beach, its actually one of her first words... most mornings she wakes up and says "beeps? beeps?". So, we came back from the beach and little Lulu had fallen asleep in her car seat literally just a few blocks from home. When Kenzie plays at the beach she does not hold back... she runs through the water, she plops down in the sand. She woke up as we got home so Dave gave her a quick rinse in the tub and put her down for a nap. After an hour of listening to her talk and sing I decided she was not gonna sleep and went to get her and had a 'oh my' moment. Dave apparently had taken off her suit and gave her a clean diaper and figured that she didn't need clothes for her nap - big mistake! She had neatly removed her diaper and taken 3 nicely formed poop balls and thrown them out of her crib - that's my baby - who wants poop in your bed, right? Lovely...