2 weeks

Two weeks until our first court date. I remember all these same feelings from nearing the end of the adoption process with the other kids, but somehow, I'm feeling equally unprepared. The anticipation is overwhelming at times. The fear of the unknown. The excitement of getting close to the first meeting. The stress of trying to prepare to leave four kids at home with the grandparents for a couple of weeks. The frustration of having the future "up in the air" and unplanned. The disappointment of waiting longer than you hoped. The hesitation on those days when I don't feel like I'm being the mother I want to be with the 4 I already have. The organizing, as if somehow these tasks that keep me busy while I wait will somehow relieve the anxiety, hope, fear, joy, anticipation, hesitation, excitement, disappointment...

can't wait to know...

As I sit here in the family room - watching the kids play instead of unloading the dishwasher - I'm amazed by the scene. Trevor working on making a calendar, BJ & Easton playing cars and talking about all the sports cars they are going to own when they grow up (oh yeah - can't wait for that! The thought of the two of them driving is a pretty terrifying one!) and Kenzie taking orders and cooking us all up a great imaginary meal... and I wonder... where will my oldest daughter be? What will she choose to be doing on this slow morning? I can't wait to know her, and find out...

life is good

I have started this post several times and I can't seem to be satisfied with it. I have a biological child and a child adopted from Russia and two (and almost 3) adopted from Ethiopia. This fact is a part of the make-up of our family, and yet it isn't something that singularly defines us. Sure, adoption presents challenges... my kids have already been through more than many Americans have seen in a lifetime. Its true that a lot of those challenges still affect our day to day. However, that doesn't make them any less my kids, my loves, my babies (though the older boys might like to dispute this!). My heart breaks with their sorrows and leaps with their successes. I take joy as they grow in learning more about who they are, and they are wonderful!

The reality of our daily life is so far from perfect - because we are so far from being perfect parents and yes, they are far from perfectly behaved children. I wouldn't have it any other way. Our family gets lots of practice with grace and forgiveness. We get on each others nerves, we press each others buttons. Sometimes we regret our choices and our actions. However, we LOVE each other. We really are a party wherever we go! The boys really are each others best friends. Lulu is a princess who is spoiled and loved by all. Everyone is excited for a new older sister, and we're all trying to fight any expectations so we can give her the freedom to be who she is. We have our fair share of struggles but we're filled with joys too - Kenzie starting to talk, Easton's peaceful smile when you tell him you are proud of him, Behailu when he's laughing, Trevor when he wants to snuggle and Ayelech sharing a shy smile. Life is not perfect, but it sure is good.