NOT the best mom in the world

Oh, this could definitely be a self-deprecating post about all the times I fall short of my expectations of myself as a mother or the ways I don't meet the needs of my kids on a daily basis. I could fill long posts on that stuff everyday. But, not this time, anyway. This one is about how I'm honored to NOT be the best mom in the world.

I'm growing older - celebrating another blessed year of my life. Perhaps more on growing up (rather grow up than out and old, don't ya think?) another day perhaps. All this to say, the other day was my birthday. I'm not a big birthday gifter person - at least not for myself - and so its not our habit that my children would buy me gifts... but on occasion to honor the passing of the years, one will grace me with a picture or card of some sort that they've made. My oldest son Trevor had done just that - reading it aloud to me - You're the best mom in the world!!! I love young children - you know you won't remain there in the teen years and you just hope that one day maybe they'll come back to thinking that all in all you did a pretty good job. What can I say, I set my standards low - try to prep for the years when my house is instead full of teenage hormones. But, I digress .... again!

While Trevor was reading me his card, my son Behailu was there and said matter-of-factly: "No, she isn't". Trevor kinda pushed back a little and he started talking of all his mothers. It didn't seem so much that he thought I was bad or even that the others were better than me, simply that I wasn't the best - I wasn't better than the special mothers in the orphanage, the wonderful orphanage director and his birth mother.

I was absolutely thrilled to see the care, concern and genuine love that the special mothers had for the kids. It was inspiring. It's clear on this end that my son at least felt as though he was not mother-less during his 8 months in an orphanage but was blessed to have several mothers at once to love and care for him. I never cease to be absolutely amazed by the wonderful orphanage director, not only how she gets business done and is respected by her staff but also how she knows each child well - knows their personality, their story, their needs and loves them all unconditionally. I am blessed to call her friend and Behailu is blessed to call her one of his many mothers. I never cease to be in awe of my son's birth mother. As I stare at her photo and piece together some of her life - from the perspective of a young child - her son - and my son, we are bound by our love for these children. I wish I could put into words, but it is an awe... I'm in awe of her love, her strength, her hope, her perseverance.

And so, I am content. I'm so very content to NOT be the best mom in the world. With company like that, who could argue that its simply an honor and privilege to be on the list...

Happy Birthday, Behailu

Today is the day we celebrate Behailu - and his officially turning 7! Honestly its still a little bit strange to me that its unlikely that this was the actual day of his birth, and that he may not even be seven. Dunno why that never knowing makes me feel sad, but it does.

Today, though, we celebrate BJ! He is amazing. Can I just say that? I know I'm biased. He is the most easy going member of the family. He takes a lot in stride - something that I think has made his transition to our family pretty easy. He loves, loves, loves being outside and playing sports. He plays hard - and has holey and stained jeans, jackets and shoes to prove it. His laughter is infectious. His smile can't help but brighten your day. He's too social for his own good, as his teachers can testify to. He's smart - reading and doing math in the top half of his class, even though English is pretty much his third language. He is so precious and we've hit the point that I forget he hasn't always been here - just the other day I was talking about our house in Pittsburgh - forgetting he'd never been there.

I don't want to seem unauthentic, though. Adopting a 5 year old definitely has its challenges and we've had our share - from potty issues, to food issues, to lying and even the occasional stealing, to bullying and nightmares and plays for attention. And if you are considering older child adoption and want to know details, I'm happy to share. In this family - we know we're all not perfect - we all have issues - from Adoption loss, attachment, ADHD, Sensory Processing Dysfunction, Anxiety Disorder, anger issues, but we work on our issues and rejoice in our strengths and can't imagine our family any other way. And is it all worth it? - Without out doubt! My pet peeve is people just meeting me but knowing OF me and saying how amazing how I'm helping all those children - but I really feel that I am the one who is blessed by all of them!

That's sure a lot of food!

The other day I was doing the grocery shopping with Lulu. She is not a huge fan of grocery shopping and so occupies herself with greeting all the other shoppers. The reactions she gets are varied but we had a first the other day ' "Wow, that sure is a lot of food!".

First, I thought "you haven't seen anything - we're only half-way done here!" Then I started to justify. After all, I try to shop only once a week and I do have a family of 6, Mr. bachelor man. Plus, our church collects food for the local food pantry on Christmas Eve and so I try to buy lots of extra pantry items the month of December.

In my post-thanksgiving shopping though, it did occur to me that despite all those wonderful excuses, it sure WAS a lot of food... a lot of food so easily obtained. I came home to my son who still two years later has some pretty serious food issues because he KNOWS all about REALLY starving and how impossible it must go from starving to American grocery stores. And worse yet, American attitudes where we throw out terms like "Man, I'm STARVING" so loosely as if we know what starving is and justify our tons of food that we purchase and eat - and let spoil and throw away. And I can't say I blame my son for not being able to stop eating before he's sick, or lacking the self-control to stop himself from taking food that he knows he shouldn't eat. How does a five year old process that? And what can we learn from him?