If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all...

I'm constantly inundated with well meaning people and comments, which is ironic, since I'm the kind of person that is 'socially challenged' and awful at small talk. I'd have to say the hardest part of being the mom of this unique family is that it seems to make people think that they should comment. Honestly, I've heard the horror stories - some people encounter awful and ugly comments. No doubt my day will eventually come, but I've not experienced any of these. No, I can tell that all the comments are very well-meaning. Really, I've gotten all the classics and then some and I get them every day. I'm generally pretty sarcastic so given that mostly these comments come from acquaintances or strangers I have to bite a pretty big hole in my tongue - my natural reaction is not so polite.

One of my faves is the "Wow, I don't know how you do it!". Do what??? Don't know how I live my life? Let's see, don't know how I parent 4 children? Don't know how I adopt? Deal with these particular 4 kids? be a mom in a bi-racial family? feed my children? do the laundry? Don't know how I do what exactly, because I've yet to come up with an answer to what that "it" is that is actually not a huge insult in disguise. What they really mean, I think, is "I'm really glad I'm not you, because I could never do it." Also pretty big insult, despite the fact that they seem to make this comment with a bit of admiration. The thing is "you" COULD do "it", you just don't WANT to. While I wish these comments were really kept to yourself, I do try to focus on that admiration piece. Let's face it - there are plenty of folks that I admire, respect and are even grateful for what they are sacrificing and giving the world with their lives - and I'd never want to exchange my life with theirs because while I COULD do it, I'd be miserable. Course, I don't go around telling them "Wow, I don't know HOW you do it?!?" but still, they do mean well at least.

The other thing I think with this type of comment is that I really don't deserve it - the admiration, that is. If you only knew, whatever "it" is, what I know is that it isn't really THAT hard. Hard to love and be blessed by 4 (almost 5!) children? Getting to spend my days with them, watching them grow? Even the "work" has benefits, and if I - quite possibly the worst 'homemaker' on planet earth can do it, anyone can do it. Sure there are many of them and the 3 boys are really close in age and they each have their challenges but there is a lot that's easier. For example, its true that almost every night there is someone unhappy about what's for dinner - but the flip side is that no matter what there is someone who is! I also don't have to seek out play dates or activities - we are a party wherever we are. While peace and quite are rare here - so is loneliness and boredom. Sure, I'm not gonna lie. My family can drive me absolutely insane. I fail routinely in being the wife and mother I envision I'd like to be. I love my crazy life!

The comment that often follows "I don't know how you do it!" is "They are blessed to have you". Well, now I know you mean well but are really clueless - because that's just it - how do I do it? Because I'm blessed to have them...