Temper-Tantrums

OK, whatever the age, we all have them. They all look different, but our whole family has them, yes, even me. Somehow, I've never left the teenage "whatever" stage... or the teenage rebellious stage... or the -- oh I clearly just need to grow up!

My kids all have temper-tantrums too. I suppose that can be expected since they are young. I think I DID expect them all to have them, so it wasn't really a surprise. What I have learned that actually fascinates me, is that all their tantrums really look pretty different. It's taken me awhile, but now we actually have behavior charts tailor made to help them all stop pitching fits... I finally realized that's what they're all doing, just in their own unique ways. Don't you actually think that's pretty cool? I mean, not the chart part, the part about them each being so unique that they pitch different looking fits? Course it keeps me on my toes - the methods of parenting that work for one, don't necessarily work for the others. Having this realization though has made the fact that with four kids in the house and at least one pitching some sort of fit at any given time an interesting perspective. It's like doing research! Huh, looky there at that reaction - that's completely different. Oh, and that's an interesting choice too!

So Trevor who is seven and is my sensitive and anxious child doesn't really pitch the classic fit. He's the punisher. Fine! I guess I have to go to my room now! I guess I can't play on the computer now! You get the idea. He punishes HIMSELF. Of course he doesn't like the reaction I give him. Well, OK, if you insist OR you can sit on the step for a few minutes and come back and try again. Whichever!

BJ who is 6 1/2 is completely different in his fits. He's not a real typical fit thrower either. He employs a couple of tactics which really seem to dig him into deeper trouble instead of out of it. He's my cryer - really every family needs one (just like every family should have a puker, but I digress). It works really well for him I think outside of the home to folks who don't realize its a tactic. He can turn on and off the tears in an instant. It's actually an amazing talent, when you think about it. He's perfected the cry, really... he can do them all - the puppy dog eyes with the single tear streaking down his face, the full out blubbering that I can only equate to the cartoons character's where their tears are literally shooting from their eyes and everything in between, and all of it can start and stop like it was on a switch. Phenomenal! I'm not a big fan of the blubbering though I have to admit. It's really quite messy - not just tears but snot and spit and all in your face if you're nearby. The other impressive tactic is the silence. Sometimes you get a twinge of anger peeking out from his eyes with that but usually, its just an unwillingness to talk - or at least actually say something. This one USED to work well for him too, but I think most people have realized they are being fooled by now. When he first came home, I think people really believed he actually didn't have the actual language to express himself. Now, though, you see him reading, or playing with friends and you learn real quick that his mastery of the English language is not the issue.

Easton - he pitches quite the fit, as the neighbors can all attest to. He pitches the most typical fits, I'd say, except that he'll be SIX next month and instead of getting better they are growing in frequency and magnitude. He loves screaming and screeching. Just screaming itself or screaming words, whichever. He's defiant - choices do not work with this child, any choice you might give him just gives him more things to refuse to do. He loves to throw things, destroy things, in general be destructive with his anger. I must admit, it gets old right quick, but even that gets interesting. He's classic in not getting that he hurts himself as much or more than the others around him. Things like well I will go to my room and I will never come out! Oh, OK sounds like a plan, son. Of course as soon as you agree that he can do that, he doesn't want to anymore. Even the hateful words can be amusing - like one of the classic screams is "you're fired". Oh, if we could only fire our mom's, eh? And where did he get this from - its not like even I watch the Apprentice! Its still kinda amusing -- I mean, if you can find defiance and anger issues amusing, but its good to find the upside of things if you hope to survive it day in and day out. And before you all get your tail in a knot - yes, we realize that he's a little scary for his age and all and we're doing everything we can to figure out why he's such an angry kid and no, you don't have to fear for your children or anything because he's only like this at home, and yes its pretty rough, and no I probably shouldn't make light of it, but yes, I would surely go insane if I didn't find the humor in my life with 4 unique kiddos.

Kenzie - well, she's pretty typical, I guess. I mean, after all, she IS two. And she acts like she is. And she is, after all a girl - I hear they are squealer, screechers by nature -though her being my only daughter I just take that on good authority. She can literally get down on the floor and kick and scream. She's got attitude and spunk and volume to spare but she seems like a pretty average 2 year old girl to me. The best is that she doesn't want to be outdone when Easton screams so she usually gets into the mix when he's melting down too. Then I find the humor in the fact that they have just awoken the entire neighborhood and while I'm sure the neighbors are miffed at that kind of alarm clock, its interesting to wonder about what they think is actually going on in our house ... or perhaps they just awake to it and thank God they don't actually live in our house, or have 4 small children and simply wish their neighbors didn't either....