Poop

In addition to noise, another thing this family has in abundance is poop. Does anyone else feel this way? Some days I feel like I will never escape to the "other side." Remember when you didn't have kids, poop was not really on your mind to much, and probably not a big part of daily discussions. However, as soon as you have kids, your life becomes about poop. It starts innocently enough. There is the first real nasty poop your baby has which of course has some official medical name that I don't feel like looking up, but we all know the poop of which I speak. The doctors ask you about your babies poop and it somehow feels like a measure to how things are going with baby. You get to experience (and you hope not too often) the joys of shooting all the way up the back of the onsie poopy. My favorite is a true story, while changing one of my sons we enjoyed projectile poopy (a relative of the projectile puke but even nastier if that's possible). There of course is the famous, poopy while bathing and quite frankly after your first child is two you are just ready to believe that there is life after poop. You are ready to move on to more interesting topics of conversation and really, ready to not have to deal with poop anymore. This is not to be reality -- this poop free world is dreamland. Of course, there are sometimes MORE children not to mention what child potty trains at two these days. My mother says I was potty trained slightly before my second birthday -- I can't believe this given my own children... in my world either my mother is getting her dates foggy these days or she's one genius mother or I was one wonderful little girl.

Potty training... oh, am I one poor potty trainer and boy do I hate it! Maybe it has something to do with my distaste for poop. Maybe if I was more easy going about poop I would be better at it. I listen to the advice. Its like a bad diet - I try all of it in desperation and each thing adds a new obstacle to overcome. I've tried the potty party's where Dora or Blue or whomever is favorite this day calls to congratulate. I've tried the Dr. Phil all in one day method. I've tried taking it in stages. I've tried letting them walk around without clothes or just wearing underwear. Guess how all these worked out for me?! Nightmares, all of them!

I took my daughter in for her 18month check-up and the doctor started talking about potty-training signs. REALLY? Oh yes, apparently GIRLS potty train around two and a half. Still, that seems forever from now. But seriously? Two and a half. Seems too good to be true to me! I have 3 boys, and though I only trained two of them, I've got poop stories galore! Trevor just took awhile to see the logic in it. He really just wasn't interested in giving it a shot. Quite unprotected he thought. Once he did (mind you it was about 3 weeks before his FOURTH birthday!) there's really been no going back. "Wow mom, it really is cleaner". Can you tell who my neat freak is??? Then came Easton. C'mon. Easton will be a breeze now, right?? He HAS to be just like his brother. I seriously thought that within days after potty training Trevor, Easton would be too. Oh no. He didn't want to be like his brother if THAT is what he was doing. Can you tell who my strong-willed child is? We'd sit on the potty forever and immediately upon letting him off, he'd pee on the floor. As did he anytime you let him naked or in underpants. Oh, and it didn't bother him to sit in it and not even tell you. My strong-willed child massively constipated himself to the point he was on miralax for months. Oh yeah, doctor said we were pushing too hard. I said "He's FOUR!!!"

But you wish that the poop ends there -- FINALLY with 3 potty trained children you'd think I'd be done with poop. Trevor, yes. Like I said the day he finally made the decision his mind was made up. I haven't dealt with his poop in ages, thankfully. But then you have the other two. They are potty trained, but they both went through this phase of really going in the potty is just a little bit too much of an inconvenience. I mean, I'm busy (eating, playing out side, coloring etc). I don't want to actually have to STOP and go all the way to the BATHROOM and go through all of that when I can just hold it. Oh the joys of holding it. Easton still would constipate himself occasionally doing this or wet his pants. Loved this phase and did a little jig when we finally got him to see the logic in taking a little time out. But BJ didn't have the luxury of constipation. He holds it until he can't... and then the floodgates open, wherever he may be. We've released lakes in the most inconvenient of spots but again, you can't beat the poop! We've had poop in the pants and poop in the towel (while I was helping dry him off of course) but the best was poop all over the bed -- the sheets, the blankets everywhere, poop. I mean when you can't hold it no more, you can't hold it no more!

There just might be a light on the poopy horizon. Knock on wood -- the three boys ages 5 and 6 are finally all currently in underwear -- (though we still have a package of pull-ups at the ready!) And so says the Dr., Kenzie should be potty trained in a year. Is there life after butt-wiping? What will I do all day without poop to clean??? I really don't know what it will feel like when I come to the day that the only poop I deal with is my own - but I must say, if I ever make it to that day, I will celebrate!