Going out into the world

So I've written about some of this recently but today was a banner day for questions so I thought I'd share. Its not that I mind all that much, really, though I am more of the wallflower type. Thankfully the questions are all well meaning if not always as politically correct. I've heard some people who are treated very rudely, but I must say that while we stick out in a crowd for sure, we have not been faced with anything of that nature.

Today though, in about the course of an hours time, I was reminded just how much we do stick out as we venture out into the world. I say venture out because I no longer encounter many questions in most of the places I go these days. At the church and at the boys school we are certainly known of , if not known. "Oh yes, that must be the family that adopted those children". Folks sometimes take note, they might ask about adjustments or comment on any number of things but its not the typical going out in the world questions from strangers.

It begins at our first day of real swimming lessons, which could be a post in itself so I won't go into any of it... at least not now. The setting is a large aquatic center teeming with people, the three boys in two classes in the water and Kenzie being passed amongst us thoroughly trying to get free and dive in. A very nice person comes up and asks my husband if he's someone else. Nope. Then says but that there in the water is (again another child's name) while pointing to BJ. Nope. Oh, I kinda know so and so and so and so who have a boy right about his age and a girl right about her age and I thought you were them. Nope, not them but we've certainly heard of "them". We've ran into "them" with their babysitter at the park once. Its really kind of a blessing around this area because there are quite a few children adopted from Ethiopia and we do have a quarterly gathering. Right now its just enough that seems everyone has heard of if not knows someone who has adopted from Ethiopia and as such, is excited to share with you that they know them, even if they are complete strangers to you. An odd conversation for a wallflower, but thankfully Dave did all the talking on most of our questions today.

The next, I must admit, I was not present for and for once, was probably a very accurate statement. The ever present "Wow, you sure do have your hands full!".... and Kenzie wasn't even there, just the three boys! After swim lessons poor Dave got to take the 3 boys only 17 months apart in age and teach them locker room etiquette. Sure there was the shower to rinse the chlorine, no problem. Then however there was the 20+ minutes of changing. Oh yes, the challenges of changing three smallish boys in a POOL locker room. I knew right away that there clearly were issues since I was waiting outside with the ever impatient princess. Oh, and if that didn't give it away how about the VERY loud announcement from Easton immediately upon exiting the locker room "Hey, I'm not wearing underwear! They're all wet!!" Anyway, its apparently a challenge to keep our clothes dry while being distracted with all the sights and sounds in a locker room. Who knew!

On the way home from swimming lessons, we stopped in at two furniture stores that we had previously been to. At the first one, the sales person said "Wow, you must be a great mom with all these little kids". This is really the same as the "You're Amazing" comment and it was clear that it was of the version of "you're insane". My chatterbox Easton had told her the day before he had two brothers at school. I guess she presumed they were older. Does that mean I look old? Anyway, she thought I was crazy for sure. Maybe I am but there are great benefits, I'm sure, to having your kids so close in age. And sure, you definitely pay a price at times for having your kids so close in age. I wouldn't change a thing. However, she seemed to be expecting comment to her silly statement. I guess she was looking for a "thank-you" to her "you're so crazy, lady" compliment? What I gave her was "sometimes". And that's the truth. Sometimes, I am a GREAT mom. And sometimes I'm a horrible mom. And most of the time, I'm a fine mom. That's not trying to be self-defacing or self-centered. Its just true. Like most moms I have my finer moments and I think I'm doing great by my kids and other times I know I've really blown it. Most of the time, we're just going along not doing much amazing or horrible.

Finally, we hit the last furniture store and of course, another wonderful new salesperson. And though her question definitely comes out sounding worse, somehow, I appreciated her more... perhaps because she was a less pushy commissioned sales person. Maybe because I just liked her couch better. At one point though, she takes my husband aside and asks the typical question that makes most every adoptive parent I know cringe. Granted, its ignorance, political correctness and down right just semantics I suppose. However, all of these years it comes out offensive, even though the speakers really genuinely don't intend it to be. Yup, you guessed the ever popular "Are they all yours?". This really is better than the "Which one is yours" I got when it was just Trevor and Easton. The second being more offensive because it came from someone who knew we had adopted a child (since Easton actually looks more like me than Trevor) and wanted to know which one it was. What they mean, of course, is which one is adopted or which one is your biological son. Knowing that is what they mean doesn't change the fact that you just want to scream "Did I not just SAY I have two sons -- they are BOTH MY sons". However now with the "Are they all yours" you can hide behind the myth that they are asking are they adopted or did you decide to bring all the neighbor children with you to go furniture shopping. Likely not the case, but you can live in the hope, none the less, especially since now that we are a trans racial family its pretty clear that a couple of them are not biologically related to both of us anyway. So this woman said "Are they all yours" to which my husband gave our standard approach of "This one is biological and the other three are adopted." To which she caught the drift and probably made things worse in her attempt to make them better. "Oh no, I THOUGHT they must all be yours because you're acting like you are treating them all the same and loving them all the same".

One hour in the life of a "wallflower" out in the world...