Want a little cheese with your whine?

Right now I'm feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. It's hard to watch our children hurting. I don't like to watch any of my children when they hurt. It's different though, when my unique child gets hurt. He's not like the rest of us - he's different. And mostly I don't whine about it - I celebrate it! I generally would rather be unique than typical. It's an amazing gift to be one of a kind! But, sometimes, just once in awhile... don't you just wish to be like everyone else?

Mostly, my boy doesn't even seem to take note of his differences. He lives in happy oblivion, and I think that's great! Because the part that is so heartbreaking is when he realizes his uniqueness, and wishes he wasn't. The one area he seems to be massively self-conscious is in getting hurt. He gets hurt a lot. You could label him clumsy. His Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) makes it tough for him to manage his body in space and it also gives him balance issues. His sensitivity also makes all touch painful to some extent. He's still learning to talk about how he feels. All of this has made him very aware that other kids in his class, they aren't getting huge welts on their heads from falling - frequently. They aren't covered in bruises and missing chairs and walking into doorways. They aren't crying because someone pushed them from behind in line. He's aware of this, and it crushes him when he gets hurt - not only the pain of the injury, or the fact that he is so sensitive to touch but also because he's embarrassed. In just a few months, this is his 3rd HUGE goose egg on his head - all occurring in very public places - at school, at a birthday party and today in class at church. His anxiety disorder then makes it hard for him to deal and process this kind of accident.

Never mind that TODAY wasn't even his fault. Some other kid was messing around behind him and in some freak accident a heavy shelf became dislodged and my son just happened to be sitting underneath it and never saw it coming. It feels the same to him. It wasn't the other kids fault - it wasn't the teachers fault - it was just an accident. But frankly it sucks. It sucks to have to sit there and explain to this stranger why my son is reacting the way he does - how do you give a crash course in SPD in minutes? Due to his neurological issues, my son can't tell me how he is feeling, and due to his SPD its hard to gauge from his reaction how severe the pain is. So I have to assess by using MY senses. What can I see - a large goose egg, a small cut. Cut doesn't need stitches. I need to know from who was there at the time, did you see any disorientation, did he ever lose consciousness? Were there any signs of concussion? But to get answers to this, I have to back track and try to explain why its different - why its important to know this stuff with THIS kid. Which is not this poor teachers fault - why would he know about these issues? And then, I don't blame my son for wanting to be typical sometimes, because even I'm thinking it wouldn't be like this with my other kids. Oh there are tears, and as a mother I fear that something more could be wrong etc etc. But it is different... its just completely different when I've dealt with the injuries of the other kids because the other kids react and deal with and handle it better and can tell me what they are feeling and how they are hurting and its just easier to asses the situation then.

Of course, when you decide we'll keep him on observation instead of immediate medical attention - you're still dealing with the anxiety attack its caused. And collecting and gathering the tired two-year old princess who is not cooperating, the angry preschooler and the silly boy and I don't know whether to scream or cry but I know that I have to make it home... and this Pastor's wife wishes that everyone would stop being so darn friendly at church because I don't want to talk and answer your questions and receive your well-wishes. I have to get the toddler down for a nap and the child with anxiety wrapped in a blanket taco quieting himself alone in his quiet room. And I really, really do not want to explain to you WHY my son is reacting this way and WHAT has happened and generally educate you on SPD and his other diagnosis. Other days and times - absolutely - I would be happy to share with you and educate you but right now, in the middle of this mess, I really can't, won't. So forgive me for being short and either help or get out of my way!

We are home now, and everyone is calming down and things are getting back to normal. The princess is asleep, the middle two are in play-rest (aka quiet time) and my other son is in his taco with his favorite TV show... and I, I thank you for listening to my little pity-party. As my Grandmother always said - "this too shall pass".